I am going to miss my quiet mornings, waking up in the rocking chair with a steaming black cup of coffe by my side. I am going to miss my friends, family and I am going to miss the work that I have surprisingly become quite fond of but most of all I am going to miss the sense that my life was finally coming together!
This is one of those rare opportunities to test out what you can accomplish with next to nothing. With just the clothes on my back (and about 100lbs of combined luggage) I am setting out someplace brand new. I have no job lined up, I have a couple thousand pennies, no, excuse me- nickels saved and a place to crash. Under normal circumstances and a Dominique 3 years ago, this would not end well, this probably wouldn't be happening at all but for some reason no anxiety has creeped in and I am happy with my decision. It might just be that I will never have a life that is 'together' in the traditional sense and if that is the case I need to get over it quickly and get on with making the best of what I'm dealt.
My flight is booked and everything except for travel insurance, a backpack and rain boots have been acquired for the trip. I am going to break down everything monetarily, an annoying but sometime useful habit picked up from my Dad. My flight was a reasonable $1750, travel insurance $550, VISA was $400 and my QCT certification was $350. All said, in the 3 months that I have decided to carry on with this I have spent a little over $3000 dollars to get to Australia. Add the luggage and tiny odds and ends to the equation and really there's absolutely no turning back now!
Adam and Nicole's wedding is fast approaching and every time I think about it I am so happy I decided to stay for it. This will be the first wedding I have been to for a friend and Adam couldn't be a greater one to have! Their generosity knows no limit and I would have been doing myself a disservice not witnessing first hand, real true love come together.
Today marks exactly two weeks until my flight takes off. I am sure these last 14 days will simply dissolve into pre wedding and trip mania but I'll make the most of it!
Next update will probably be from Australia. Looking forward to it!
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Processing a Moment
As a good friend of mine would say, I am having a moment. I am frustrated because as excited as I am to leave and start something new I am angry because I feel I have no other choice. Every time the phone rings I still am hopeful it is a school board, ready to give me a chance, one that I decidedly deserve... after all the work I've put in.
If you really know me, then you know for the most part, at first I am very hard to get on with. I am not interested in making friends and to be honest I don't like a lot of people all that much. I have my close friends and that's about all I care to have. I am nice to people because I have to be and if I could live in a society where being alone most of the time was normal, I probably would've adopted it a long time ago.
Stoic as I am in that regard I want to confess that when I meet someone I instantly like, as rare as it is, it is a huge blow when it doesn't work out. Whether it be a romantic interest or someone who I want to befriend; I give myself to people I feel will do the same back. I feel I am either your best friend and protector or at the very best a fringe. That line very rarely varies but I have some friends who I have known forever and this attitude doesn't much apply to them.
I am upset because over the last couple of years I have made friends with individuals I have never felt closer to in all my life. People who have experienced with me what it is like to be Gen X and feel the terror of life's uncertainties in the exact same fashion. I have to leave the nest, this blanket of safety and understanding while starting all over again- I don't want to do that. I don't want to make nice and pretend all over again that I like people and I want to be around them just to hope and pray that I find some people I will genuinely want to be around. I am exhausted just thinking about it.
Does this all make me a bitch, unworthy of people's efforts - a recluse? I don't know... I guess in my defence I never chose to be this way, it's always something that has been with me my whole life. Being an outsider as a youngin' and learning to do things solo on the playground probably has a lot to do with my disinterest in others now. That's not self-pity, really, it's just the way things were- are.
But just as parting words, if you are reading this and feel anyway insulted, I apologize. Chances are I like you just fine... but chances are also I don't talk to you all that much. If you know me, you know my capacity to love and if you love me back we'll be just fine. As for Aussie, well I will just have to put on my happy, interested face, suck it up and if I am lucky, I will be able to make life long friends like I have here and in Korea. I am just realizing, as I get older, how much harder that gets.
If you really know me, then you know for the most part, at first I am very hard to get on with. I am not interested in making friends and to be honest I don't like a lot of people all that much. I have my close friends and that's about all I care to have. I am nice to people because I have to be and if I could live in a society where being alone most of the time was normal, I probably would've adopted it a long time ago.
Stoic as I am in that regard I want to confess that when I meet someone I instantly like, as rare as it is, it is a huge blow when it doesn't work out. Whether it be a romantic interest or someone who I want to befriend; I give myself to people I feel will do the same back. I feel I am either your best friend and protector or at the very best a fringe. That line very rarely varies but I have some friends who I have known forever and this attitude doesn't much apply to them.
I am upset because over the last couple of years I have made friends with individuals I have never felt closer to in all my life. People who have experienced with me what it is like to be Gen X and feel the terror of life's uncertainties in the exact same fashion. I have to leave the nest, this blanket of safety and understanding while starting all over again- I don't want to do that. I don't want to make nice and pretend all over again that I like people and I want to be around them just to hope and pray that I find some people I will genuinely want to be around. I am exhausted just thinking about it.
Does this all make me a bitch, unworthy of people's efforts - a recluse? I don't know... I guess in my defence I never chose to be this way, it's always something that has been with me my whole life. Being an outsider as a youngin' and learning to do things solo on the playground probably has a lot to do with my disinterest in others now. That's not self-pity, really, it's just the way things were- are.
But just as parting words, if you are reading this and feel anyway insulted, I apologize. Chances are I like you just fine... but chances are also I don't talk to you all that much. If you know me, you know my capacity to love and if you love me back we'll be just fine. As for Aussie, well I will just have to put on my happy, interested face, suck it up and if I am lucky, I will be able to make life long friends like I have here and in Korea. I am just realizing, as I get older, how much harder that gets.
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